A splash of color on grey

Oh my life is changing everyday
Every possible way
Though my dreams, it’s never quite as it seems
Never quite as it seems

 So far, life in Berlin has been saturated with ambivalent feelings and drastic contrast. Sometimes I feel on the verge of anxiety, a crushing feeling of loneliness, which can only be accurately portrayed by this clip of Misery Bear:

And then, one sunny but fresh afternoon I go out for drinks with my first girlfriend here (i.e. a girl who is also my friend) and have a great time talking about life and the sweet and sour adventures of living on your own, and how we -young adults- are all neotenic these days.

One day I feel completely incompetent, oblivious and underquialified regarding the theoretic background for my new project and the skills required to carry it out, and the other I find myself at a top-class conference, impressing a cool Russian guy with my diluted knowledge on Russian literature and films.

At the aforementioned conference, I got confirmation on my suspicion regarding the reason why I have succeeded so far on having a normal social life despite being esencially a loner, an often mediocre first impression and a socially awkward person. The quid is, I'm not one to look for friends, and it usually takes me a considerable amount of time to adapt to my classmates/colleagues (as most of the time I feel we have little in common); but, for whatever reason, people just tend to approach me. I sat by miself in a corner of the garden, or stood up drinking my tea, oblivious of the happenings around me, and then, lo and behold! Someone approaches and starts conversation with me.

It's like negative reciprocal of the Law Of Attraction: looks like I attract good things with a negative attitude. Take that, Rhonda Byrne.

In the past few weeks, and without making any effort, I managed to stumble upon and go out with a couple of very kind and interesting people who definitely have great friend potential (luckily, I got myself once again into one of this "What in earth did I do for this person to like me so much?" kind of situation). But luck can only get you so far. You cannot just sit in a corner looking dark and misterious and hope for a bunch of interesting people to come close and talk to you. Most of the time, it doesn't work that way. Specially when they are complete strangers.

I want my life here to bloom like it never did before: do the things I always wanted to do, meet the people I've always wanted to meet, visit the places I've always wanted to see. Get knowledge. Get experience. Get sophisticated.

Also, trying new things is good for your brain. And I always love a new challenge. Let's get started!



No comments:

Post a Comment